Week 22: Why I Haven’t Killed Myself Yet And Why I Never Will
The Show To End All Shows
Comedians committing suicide is like a DJ Khaled song:
“Anotha one”
They keep on coming and I want it to stop.
Turns out the hardest thing you can do as a comedian is not kill yourself. Whether it’s drugs, self-loathing, or general self-destructive behavior, many of the greatest clowns to be took their lives at the top of the trapeze, letting go of their handle on life.
Starting out in standup, Jak Knight was the guy, the prom king, the 1st round draft pick, the one, and while I was out in London performing my first solo hour about overcoming suicidal thoughts, Jak Knight killed himself.
That’s right, he stole my bit, that thief!
Well, he finished it. I never committed fully. He was the better comedian.
“Anotha one”
I want it to stop.
After most shows was the post-show diner hang. It was our net, catching us after the fall from the stage.
“Good show, bad show, diner.”
On Thursdays it was Denny’s in Westwood and on Mondays it was a Chinese restaurant in Chinatown literally called, “Won Kok”.
I feel like whoever came up with that name was probably a member of the Chinese Communist Comedian Party, otherwise known as the CCCP.
One night at Won Kok, another comic, let’s call him “Neville”, says to me, “Hey Nate, I just wanted you to know that everyone always says Jak Knight this, Jak Knight that, but between me and you, in the long run, my money’s on you.”
It was this weird fortune cookie open mic Harry Potter prophecy:
“Neither can live while the other survives and neither can tell jokes while the other tells jokes slightly better”
The memory of that prophecy foretold haunted me the day I found out Jak died, because truthfully, and it took me a long time to admit this publicly, I wanted it to come true, just not in the way it did.
I needed Jak to survive, so I could tell jokes better.
It felt like none of us loved comedy more than him, none of us worshipped at the altar of jokes like he did. Stand-up was our escape, our amusement park, our Disneyland, and when Jak died it was like Mickey Mouse shot himself on the Small World Ride.
“How do I go back to Disneyland when there’s blood on my favorite ride?
I guess I gotta
“Keep telling jokes, only slightly better”
So, I wrote a new show and I took it to Orlando, Florida, the home of Disneyworld, and the place of my one time favorite ride, the Orlando Fringe.
My last show made fun of my attempted suicide, this show makes light of anotha one, not because suicide is funny, but because I have to keep telling jokes, only slightly better. Jak would have wanted it that way, he was the better comedian after all.
It’s the story of a man haphazardly trying to grasp on for dear life, not really knowing the net was waiting for him to fall all along. The net is always there, but as it turns out, the net scuffs you up pretty bad. Falling into the net doesn’t come without its scars. I guess you can call me, “the boy who lived.”
“Anotha one.”
Hopefully this one makes all the other ones stop.
Places I’ll be Performing My Perspective Potentially:
We’re going to be doing monthly house shows pretty soon. The next one is going to be performing both my solo shows back to back w/ an intermission. It’s also going to be a fundraiser for the future tour (pending further news). The tentative date is Saturday, July 12. Stay on the lookout for tix.
The next stop on my tour is Winnipeg, Canada. However, I seem to have missed the application deadline for finding lodging and so there’s a potential I will have to cancel the tour. I’ll be hosting a fundraiser ^ pending further news about whether or not the tour will continue. You can also support me financially to make it happen by subscribing or donating (links at the end).
Tickets will be available soon, but for now the dates I’ll be performing at The Winnipeg Fringe Festival, Canada:
Thursday, July 17 7:45 PM
Friday, July 18 12:45 PM
Sunday, July 20 9:15 PM
Tuesday, July 22 2:30 PM
Wednesday, July 23 11:00 AM
Thursday, July 24 4:15 PM
Saturday, July 26 6:00 PM
Follow us on instagram at @ppdkproductions, as well as me personally at @nathanmosherisgoodenough. We’ll be posting lots of new things there as well as on YT and Tiktok and all that jazz very soon.
Please consider a paid subscription to help facilitate me continuing to tell stories and uplift others to tell theirs.
You can also make a donation here: Buy Me a Coffee
Sincerely Yours,
Nathanael Philip Mosher
AKA “The Paraprosdokianist”
What the stuff is a “Paraprosdokianist”?
"Paraprosdokian + journalist" = "Paraprosdokianist"/ Or: one who pens journalistic columns of paraprosdokians/ Paraprosdokian: Greek for "against expectation"/ a rhetorical device in which the second part of the phrase makes you re-evaluate the meaning of the first, otherwise known as a one-liner turn of phrase joke lyric proverb parable quote wise saying piece of life itself summarized in the shortest unit of story resulting in: one's expectations being upheld, subverted, affording one a renewed perspective and sense of compassion.
I’m trying to find the best ones. See you on the journey.
powerful. keep going!!! you’re doing the thing. i’m very sorry to hear about your friend